Family Constellations Book: Hellinger’s Essential Work

The Family Constellation Book that reveals the heart of the method: My Life, My Work by Bert Hellinger

A Family Constellation Book is much more than something you simply read. When it is well written, it touches something deep, opens an inner space, and helps us perceive what usually goes unnoticed: the invisible bonds that connect us with our family and shape our lives, even when we are unaware of them.

Among all the books published on the subject, My Life, My Work by Bert Hellinger holds a truly unique place. Many consider it the most intimate, honest, and revealing Family Constellation Book he ever wrote. And for good reason: it was his last work published during his lifetime—his synthesis, his legacy, and his human testimony.

This article explores why this Family Constellation Book is so important, what it contains, how it is structured, and what we can learn from it today, especially those who practice or seek individual or group constellations. We also look at how Kristof Micholt continues this perspective, bringing constellations closer to people who want to understand their story, heal their bonds, and find inner order.

1. Why My Life, My Work is a different kind of Family Constellation Book

When someone looks for a Family Constellation Book, they often encounter technical manuals, theoretical explanations, or case studies. But My Life, My Work is none of that. It is a deeply human book that shows us the man behind the method—his life, doubts, searches, education, and the path that led him to create something as transformative as Family Constellations.

This Family Constellation Book offers something not often found in therapeutic texts: authenticity. Hellinger writes with disarming honesty, without trying to look good or soften his story, and without hiding difficult subjects.

His life was marked by intense experiences: war, Nazism, the Church, his years in South Africa, leaving religious life, and his encounters with psychoanalysis, family therapy, and systemic thinking. All of this is narrated with both simplicity and depth.

This is why many see it as the Family Constellation Book par excellence: it does not only explain the method—it reveals the life path that made it possible.

2. First part: the personal story of Bert Hellinger

In this Family Constellation Book, Hellinger opens the door to his personal life for the first time. For decades he refused to talk about himself, saying that “what mattered was the work, not his biography.” But in this book, he breaks that silence.

He speaks about:
– his childhood in Germany
– his family of origin
– the religious environment in which he grew up
– the harsh experience of war
– the impact of Nazism
– his decision to join the Church
– his 16 years as a missionary in South Africa
– his deep encounter with Zulu culture
– leaving religious life
– his marriages and relationships

This turns the book into more than a Family Constellation Book—it becomes a human testimony. Readers understand how Hellinger’s experiences shaped his perspective and how certain events led him to observe family dynamics that later became therapeutic tools.

Most importantly, it shows that the creator of Family Constellations also faced his own entanglements, difficult decisions, and spiritual searches. Constellations did not arise from theory, but from a fully lived life.

3. Second part: the path toward Family Constellations

The second part of this Family Constellation Book explains how Hellinger gradually arrived at what we now know as Family Constellations. It was not a sudden discovery, but the integration of multiple therapeutic and philosophical approaches.

He describes influences such as:
psychoanalysis, primal therapy, group work, family dynamics, systemic thinking, Gestalt therapy, Ericksonian hypnosis, transactional analysis, body therapy, and phenomenology.

Each contributed to understanding that humans do not act in isolation, but in relation to a family system that precedes us. In this Family Constellation Book, Hellinger explains how each learning brought him closer to a way of seeing that would later manifest as constellations.

4. Third part: his synthesis — the Orders of Love

This section of the Family Constellation Book summarizes Hellinger’s vision of the “Orders of Love,” the principles that allow family energy to flow:
– the right to belong
– hierarchy and precedence in time
– balance between giving and receiving

When these orders are disrupted, the family system tries to compensate, sometimes generations later. Family Constellations help restore this balance.

5. An authentic and controversial author

A key aspect of this Family Constellation Book is that it does not hide difficult topics. Hellinger writes directly about religion, Nazism, the Holocaust, Jewish history, and his concept of God. His honesty sparked controversy, especially in Germany. Yet this sincerity makes the book a valuable testimony to human complexity.

6. What this Family Constellation Book offers today

My Life, My Work provides:
– a deep understanding of the method’s origins
– clarity on systemic thinking
– historical and human context
– a bridge between theory and experience
– an ethical foundation for working with people
– simple explanations that require no prior training

7. Individual Family Constellations: an accessible path

Many people today discover constellations through individual sessions. This Family Constellation Book perfectly complements that work by explaining the roots of the method and its deeper perspective.

8. What Family Constellations can resolve

Constellations do not “fix” problems traditionally; they reveal, bring order, and help people find their rightful place. This Family Constellation Book reflects that deep truth.

9. Kristof Micholt: continuing the lineage

Kristof Micholt continues this systemic, phenomenological approach with humility and presence, echoing the essence of Hellinger’s last Family Constellation Book.

10. Why this Family Constellation Book remains relevant

In a fast-paced world, this book invites us to pause, look within, and acknowledge our roots. Understanding our ancestors is understanding ourselves.

11. A possible drawback: the price

Some readers find this Family Constellation Book expensive due to its many color photographs, but most agree it is worth every page.

Conclusion

My Life, My Work is more than a Family Constellation Book—it is a legacy of honesty, love, and systemic wisdom. It is a book that you don’t just read; you feel it, reflect on it, and integrate it.

A true gift for anyone who wants to understand the heart of Family Constellations.